Community and connection key to a happy life
At 103 years old, Margaret Tanner is one of Australia’s oldest war widows.
Her husband, Noel Tanner, served in World War Two as the skipper of a boat that transferred people and supplies from the mainland of Australia to Thursday Island.
A few years after the war ended, Noel became ill with testicular cancer, which was attributed to his war service. He passed away in October 1949, after a short battle with cancer. At 29 years old, Margaret became a war widow and sole parent to their young son, Robert.
It’s been more than 70 years since Margaret lost her husband. She admits, when he first passed away, she would cry herself to sleep. But her strength, resilience and fierce independence are both impressive and inspiring.
Margaret never remarried, but her life has been filled with family and friends, community and connection.
Today, Margaret still lives by herself in her own home. And just a few years ago, she was still playing golf, taking part in a walking group and doing yoga.
When asked the secrets to a long life, Margaret says she doesn’t know. But it seems her willingness to try new things and meet new people is one of them.
She admits she has felt hesitant at times. Her life circumstances have meant she has often had to attend events by herself. Sometimes the thought of showing up to an event on her own, where she doesn’t know anyone else, has made her feel uneasy, but she didn’t let it stop her from getting out there and living life.
“When you’re on your own attending things, you’re always a bit nervous about it,” says Margaret. “But I always made the effort. It’s very daunting, but once I got there, I always met someone that I got on with.”
There were two types of events where Margaret especially made friends: Legacy events and War Widows Social Club meetings.
Margaret joined Australian War Widows NSW in 1951 and started attending the City Evening group at Sydney RSL when it formed in 1968, after her friend and fellow war widow, Betty Bromley, talked her into going.
“I have really enjoyed my involvement with War Widows,” Margaret says. “Some of my best friends were from War Widows or Legacy.”
Ever since that first meeting, Margaret has been involved in AWWNSW, and still attends the Auburn War Widows social club on Saturday afternoons when her health permits.
She also attended the inaugural War Widows Day last year. After the service, while she was waiting for the bus to ferry war widows from Hyde Park to the Parliament of New South Wales, she found herself chatting to the younger war widows.
“It was interesting to see, you know, how they were coping,” Margaret says. By that she means how they were coping with grief, raising children, paying the bills and holding the family together – all without their husband.
When asked how someone overcomes grief and adversity, Margaret shrugs her shoulders and says, “Well, I mean, there’s nothing you can do [about it] really.”
For all the challenges Margaret has faced, what she speaks of most is all the happy memories from the past.
Her dining room displays just a small glimpse of those memories, with photos of all the people she has loved. A photo of her with her sister as young kids, around four and five years old. A photo of her mum and dad. A photo of her dressed in a fancy frock, complete with hat and gloves, alongside her mother-in-law.
Then there is the framed black-and-white photo of a young man, placed in the centre of her dressing table in her bedroom. While Margaret was lucky enough to hold Noel in her arms for just over 10 years, she has held him in her heart for 70 years more.
As well as speaking about all the happy memories, Margaret also expresses her gratitude for all the support, especially from organisations like AWWNSW.
Margaret shares the story of a World War One widow who lived a few doors up from her, who didn’t enjoy the same support Margaret did because Australian War Widows wasn’t created until after World War Two.
“She had no support whatsoever, no support whatsoever,” she says.
“It would have made such a difference to her life if she would have had support. I think we [World War Two widows] are very lucky to have had support. I’ve thought how lucky I was to meet such lovely friends. Even though the war widows meetings are once a month, you look forward to the meetings.”
It’s why, at 103 years old, Margaret still attends the monthly war widows meeting whenever she can.