“I do it my way.” A phrase that speaks to living honestly, guided by one’s own values rather than others’ expectations. A phrase spoken by 98-year-old war widow, Mary P. who became a war widow in 1993 after losing her husband, Albert, who had been suffering from bronchial asthma for a long period of time. His passing was not unexpected, yet the transition to widowhood was confronting. Mary recalled being with him in his final moments, experiencing one of her first major losses. “I just had to manage, that was all there was to it.”
Not long after his passing, Mary was introduced to the Guild by a fellow war widow. Mary noticed her strength and resilience: “I used to think, if she can manage, I’m as strong as her. I can manage too.” Mary stood by this motto herself as she adjusted to life without Albert. Mary knew she would find her way, and she did her best to remain strong.
Finding her people with the Guild
Mary began attending social club meetings. This decision, unbeknownst to Mary at that time, would provide her with decades of connection, love, and friendship from women sharing that same resilience. “Everyone is there for the one purpose.”
She joined the City Saturday Club over 30 years ago. What Mary found in the club was something special. Unlike more formal settings she had experienced elsewhere, this group felt right for her from the moment she walked in. “Everyone’s so friendly.” She said.
Over the years, Mary formed deep friendships within the Guild and her social club, built on common experience, kindness, and showing up for one another, something many other war widows resonate with. She speaks fondly of many of those who support her, particularly Lynne Boyd, the City Saturday Social Club Coordinator. “I can always rely on Lynne. She’s very faithful.” Lynne and Mary’s relationship is certainly something to behold and something very special, demonstrating the power of intergenerational friendship. Their shifts between playful banter and genuine care for each other makes it clear these ladies share a friendship that will last a lifetime, with already two decades of connection proving just how strong their bond is.
When they first met years ago, Lynne was instantly drawn to Mary’s spirit; a sentiment often shared by all who get to meet her: “everyone that meets Mary falls in love with her.” Lynne is also deeply moved by Mary’s ability to remain strong and see the humour in life despite the amount of loss she has endured.
In 2018, Mary tragically lost her only son, John. “He was 57. I miss him terribly,” she reflects. Soon afterwards she lost her beloved cat, Max, who wandered into her life 15 years prior and stayed, as if he was always meant to be. “He adopted me,” she says. Mary does not deny how hard these losses have been, nor how deeply she misses Albert, John and Max. But she refuses to let grief and loss get the best of her. She remains authentically herself, grateful and compassionate. Many in our community have fond memories of Mary. Whether it’s becoming great friends with a war widow the minute they meet, charming the Governor of NSW, or being seen by the ladies as the heart of her club, Mary has a way of leaving a lasting impression. She repeatedly forms friendships on the spot, especially with newcomers to the City Saturday Social Club. As she puts it, “some people you know for a lifetime and still don’t know. Others, you just connect.”
Still doing it her way
True to who she is, Mary has never allowed age, fear, or circumstance to shrink her world. At 98, she lives independently in her home while remaining deeply connected to her community. She takes advantage of community transport to get out and about, attends club meetings and the occasional gathering Lynne organises, plays Scrabble and Bingo with friends, and actively contributes to the Guild.
Mary also embraces challenges that take her beyond her comfort zone. In 2024, she faced a great fear when asked to participate in a video project sharing the stories of war widows. Initially terrified, she was reluctantly persuaded by Lynne. “That frightened the hell out of me. After that, I could face anything,” she laughs. Completing the project left her feeling empowered, embodying the mindset she has always lived by: ‘if they can do it, so can I’.
To this day, when others try to influence her, Mary continues to do it her way. She always speaks honestly without hesitation which can be confronting to some people. Her straightforwardness is received with warmth, earning her a reputation of being cheeky rather than confrontational, and often being described as an incredibly selfless and strong woman. When another member once affectionately called her “the naughty one,” Mary laughed and replied, “I’m the eldest, I’m allowed to be.”
Choosing your own path — standing firm, speaking honestly, and not being swayed by others — can sometimes be mistaken for selfishness and misunderstood. Yet Mary embodies an independence that is not about defiance or putting oneself above others, but standing strong for herself. It is a form of resilience familiar to many war widows.
When asked what she hopes for the future of the Guild, Mary’s answer is simple and applies to everyone: “Just continue as we do. Keep together like we do.” Because whilst resilience and strength are needed during difficult times, there will never be regret or shame in seeking the comfort of others and forming bonds that last forever. Mary has lived life her way, never compromising her honesty or her joy, and it has carried her to where she is today. “That’s just me. I’m 98, I say what I think. I do it my way.”
