By Renee Wilson, CEO of Families of Veterans Guild
Christmas comes but once a year. It is a time for family, reflection and happiness. But sadly, for many, it can also be a considerably difficult time to manage grief. In fact, for many the feelings they experience are heightened, as memories of traditions, connections and activities of years past come to the fore.
How can you support someone managing grief this Christmas?
Allow your loved one to feel their feelings
Often, when someone is grieving, we tend to steer clear of conversations about their loss, particularly during times of merriment. However, it is essential for the person who is experiencing grief to know their loss has been acknowledged and that they can speak to it if needed. Let your loved one express their loss how they please; this may change daily. Sometimes they may need a shoulder to cry on, other days they may need to vent, and some days sit in silence or share memories. Be present for them and create a supportive environment.
Sitting in the uncomfortable
When supporting someone through their grief it can be helpful to be aware of your own reactions and triggers. Remaining aware of your reactions, biases, and assumptions can enable you to identify your boundaries and needs whilst holding space for grief. This enables the person you’re supporting to feel heard and held without judgement. This might look like listening with your body and mind avoiding filling the silence with statements or jumping to problem solving. Allow the grief to be unresolved in all its uncertainty listening deeply with empathy to the lived experience of the person you are sitting with.
Provide ongoing support
It is likely that when someone has just lost something or someone close to them, many people will offer to support them. But after a while, this support will fade, and they will likely feel alone. Offering ongoing support by staying in touch, dropping in, or sending messages or letters will be very valuable to someone undergoing a period of intense grief.
Are you struggling with grief and looking for some helpful ways to manage this Christmas?
For anyone struggling with grief during the holidays, you might find comfort in the following strategies.
Practice regular self-care
Self-care is crucial in your grief and loss journey and most importantly it is something that helps you to look after yourself. It could be anything from a walk around the block or phone call, to gardening or crafting. Setting realistic goals for self-care makes it more achievable. Set yourself a goal for five minutes of self-care each day in the lead up to Christmas to give yourself the opportunity to check in with yourself and relax into something you enjoy.
Be honest about your feelings
You might like to let your family or friends know when you are feeling a little down or overwhelmed this holiday season. Give them the opportunity to wrap you in love and remind you just how special you are to them. Share stories of your loved one or the life you had planned. It can be challenging to share our deepest feelings however it is through vulnerability that connection thrives.
Rituals matter
The holiday season is often full of family rituals, whether it is decorating the Christmas tree, hosting a family gathering or exchanging gifts. Rituals can be challenging to maintain after the loss of a loved one. But continuing these rituals might help support you through changing and challenging times. Explore what you feel comfortable with continuing and see if you can make plans with loved ones to continue your family rituals.
Ask for help
Be specific in asking for the support you need. Don’t let the holidays stop you from asking for help early and often. You may have people in your life who are waiting for you to ask for help, as they aren’t sure of your needs. You may need help with meal preparation, housework or garden maintenance now that your loved one is no longer able to share the load. Tell those who you trust to support you and ask if they can help this holiday season.
Build a village of support
Who is in your village, how do you connect with them and where are the gaps? Do you have family and friends around you during the holiday season to support you on your journey? Do you connect with others experiencing grief and loss? It’s important to build out this network, particularly during the holiday season. Look for groups that you can join that may have similar experiences.
For example, at the Families of Veterans Guild, we have groups for war widows and veteran family members that connect people with similar lived experiences. We ensure that people can come together for connection as needed, and fun when the time is right. Ultimately, we surround the people who are our members so that they feel supported and connected no matter the time of year.
No matter where you are in your grief journey, I hope that you find yourself able to use some of these tips to manage through the holidays.
If needed, there are also a number of services available at Christmas time that offer support, including:
- Lifeline: 13 11 14
- Beyond Blue: 1300 224 636
- Open Arms: 1800 011 046
