Together we still stand

On Monday 26 October, war widows, their families and friends gathered at the Cenotaph in Martin Place to honour Australia’s war widows. It was to commemorate the fifth War Widows Day in New South Wales, and it fell in a milestone year: 80 years since war widows in NSW first came together to support one another.

For a long time, war widows stood on the sidelines of our commemorations. They watched wreaths being laid for their loved ones while their own sacrifice went unspoken. On this morning, the wreaths were for them.

A service dedicated to war widows

Our Patron, Her Excellency the Honourable Margaret Beazley AC KC, Governor of NSW, joined us with her husband, Mr Dennis Wilson. A catafalque party from HMAS Kuttabul mounted the Cenotaph, and the Royal Australian Navy Band Sydney accompanied the service. Our President, Queen Dunbar, herself a war widow, led the morning.

Former State President Wendy Thompson opened the service with the War Widows’ Motto:

‘We all belong to each other. We all need each other. It is in serving each other and in sacrificing for our common good that we are finding our true life.’

In our 80th year, it was especially meaningful to have with us Clare Phelan, great-granddaughter of our founder, Jessie Vasey CBE OBE.

After the Governor, ministers and community organisations laid their wreaths, came one of the most moving moments of the day. War widows came forward to lay a sprig of wattle while the Navy Band played. Wattle has long been an Australian symbol of resilience and remembrance. Here, each sprig was a tribute from one war widow to another, recognising a sacrifice they share. Everyone present was then invited to lay a floral tribute of their own.

Eighty years of stories, from one woman to the next

Board Director and fellow war widow Lyn Bye delivered this year’s War Widows Day address, Honouring 80 years of stories. She told the Guild’s story the way it has always been told: from one woman to the next.

It began with Jessie Vasey. Seven months after losing her husband, Major General George Vasey, she began writing to other war widows, and within a year she had written more than 2,000 letters. “Real help for widows could only come from among themselves,” she wrote. “Now, as one of them, I am sure of it.” In June 1946, more than 300 people filled a public meeting on Castlereagh Street, and 100 war widows joined her. The War Widows’ Craft Guild was born in New South Wales.

Lyn brought the women who followed to life. Merle Dwyer, pasting chenille spots onto veiling at night after her daughters were asleep, who said that without other war widows she would have shut herself away with her grief. The widows of the Blue Mountains, who asked for the first local club in Katoomba. Una Boyce, who, when a minister asked her to tell the widows to stop writing letters, smiled and said: “Not until we get the concession.” And Marjorie Cameron, over 100, still going to her club in Laurieton: “It doesn’t take much to give a person a smile.”

She also reminded us how far recognition has come. In 1957, war widows were left standing to one side at a Remembrance service, and laid their wreath on their own after everyone else had gone. Today, they have a day of their own, and others lay wreaths in their honour. As Lyn said, that is no small thing.

She closed with words that captured the whole day: “Eighty years on, together, we still stand.”

A book of life: our tribute to Shirley McLaren OAM

Every war widow carries a story. This year, Her Excellency the Governor read a tribute to Shirley McLaren OAM. Shirley couldn’t be with us in person, so the tribute travelled to her by video.

Shirley once described her life as a book, one she can take off the shelf, open, remember, and close again. The Governor opened a few of its chapters. In 1951, at 18, Shirley was among the first women to enlist in the Women’s Royal Australian Air Force. At a Saturday night dance in Canberra, a young airman named Roy told his mates he would have the next dance with “that one in blue”. They married in 1955, and Shirley followed him from posting to posting.

Then came the hardest chapter. On Christmas Eve 1972, Roy died suddenly. He was 39, and so was Shirley. “You pick yourself up, you dust yourself down,” she says. “But you have to live on with love.”

Living on with love has shaped every chapter since. For more than 35 years she led the WRAAF in Sydney’s Anzac Day march. When lockdown cancelled the services in 2020, she invited her neighbours to stand outside at dawn and recited the Ode at the end of her street. And every week for more than 50 years, she has placed six stems of rosemary beside Roy’s photograph. Now, at 94, it is her great-grandsons who place it there for her.

“What you give, you get back,” Shirley says. “And I’ve had more give backs than giving.”

Shirley usually recites the Ode for us. This year, RSL NSW President Brigadier Vincent Williams CSC (Retd) recited it in her place, followed by the Last Post, a minute’s silence, the Rouse and the National Anthem. As Queen said to her: “Shirley, we miss you here today.”

Around the table at Parliament House

As has become our tradition, the service closed with the words of a war widow. In our 80th year, we returned to Jessie Vasey, writing in 1947 about what she wanted for every war widow:

‘We want to give these women hope, to make them proud of being war widows, and not ashamed.’

From the Cenotaph, our members and guests made their way to the Strangers’ Room at NSW Parliament House for a luncheon hosted by the Hon. David Harris MP, NSW Minister for Veterans. The Premier, the Hon. Chris Minns MP, joined us to say a few words. As at every meal we share, a vacant table was set in honour of those who never came home, and of absent friends and family with us in spirit.

Minister Harris marked both War Widows Day and our anniversary, and we shared a short film telling the story of our organisation. Then our Board Chair, Tricia Hobson, sat down in conversation with war widow and member Norma Potter, who shared her own story. It was one more thread in the tapestry of 80 years of war widows standing side by side.

Seen, heard and acknowledged

In her closing remarks, our Deputy Chair and lunch MC Jennifer Collins AM said she could only imagine how proud our founding members would have been of a day like this. A day when the stories of war widows were shared, and their sacrifice recognised and honoured. A day when they were seen, heard and acknowledged.

Thank you to Her Excellency, our host Minister Harris, the Premier, and every guest who stood with us. Thank you to the RSL Cenotaph Attendants, the Royal Australian Navy Band Sydney and HMAS Kuttabul. And thank you to our staff and volunteers, who made the day happen. Above all, thank you to the war widows and widowers who joined us.

For too long, the stories of war widows went untold. The War Widows Honour Roll is how we keep changing that. It stays open, and there is always room for one more name. Add a story to the War Widows Honour Roll.

Eighty years on, together, we still stand.